


I Miss the Misery

by ParzivalHallows



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Armin Centric, Armin is a masochist, Eren is sweet, I'm so sorry, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 18:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4716518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParzivalHallows/pseuds/ParzivalHallows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin took a step forward, wringing his fingers together to stop his hands from shaking. "Just knock Armin. You already made your choice. You chose him.</p><p>No… you chose the misery."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Miss the Misery

**Author's Note:**

> I feel so guilty writing this, because I actually really like Jean as a character. But I'm shipping him and Armin (Eremin is OTP tho) so... yeah this fic happened when I was listening to the song I Miss the Misery by Halestorm. If you've never heard of it, I suggest you listen to it before or after reading this fic.

_“Why do you keep going back to him?”_

It was a question that Armin Arlert asked himself many times, even as he stared at the wooden door to their – his old house. It was one-story, shabby, the white paint was peeling off the walls, and the garden wasn’t kept. Armin’s eyes trailed to a patch of grass that was greener then the rest, although the ugly wilted flower in the middle of it ruined any chance of it being pretty. Armin remembered planting that flower. It had been beautiful and vibrant.

 

It was altogether very unflattering, and it was definitely not the type of house that you’d put on the market and expect to get buyers. But… this is – was – his home. _Why do you keep going back to him?_

Armin took a step forward, wringing his fingers together to stop his hands from shaking. _Just knock Armin. You already made your choice. You chose him._

_No… you chose the misery._

…

 

Eren Jaeger was everything that anyone could want in a lover. Sure, he had his dumb moments, and he was pretty reckless, but everything else about him made up for it. His good looks, that tan skin, those green eyes… well they were just a bonus. There was much more to him then a pretty face.

 

He was kind, thoughtful, funny, had a good sense of humor and cared fiercely for the things that he loved. He was this and more to Armin. He was always supportive of Armin’s choices. He enjoyed having Armin read to him, and he liked helping Armin out in Mario Kart (something neither of them have admitted to playing to anyone). He was honest, and he liked to encourage Armin whenever he could. He trusted Armin, was loyal to Armin, and Armin trusted him.

 

But… that’s where the issue was.

 

Armin trusted him. He trusted Eren not to hurt him, or yell at him, or make him feel bad – physically and emotionally. He was a support system for Armin. He made Armin feel safe.

 

And Armin?

 

Armin wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He didn’t have a big track record with relationships, but his previous one was nothing like this. There was always pain, physical and emotional, there was always arguing and yelling with insults flying back and forth.

 

Eren knew about this. And maybe because of it he treated Armin like something delicate. Something that needed to be protected and coddled and taken care of. But… Armin didn’t want that. With Jean Kirschtein at least Armin knew what to expect, and he knew how to handle whatever pain was thrown at him.

 

Jean knew that he could handle the pain. Or at least he assumed that Armin could, because he did nothing to stop a fist from flying in Armin’s direction when the blonde annoyed him. The way Eren handled him, so delicately, making sure not to make any sudden movements… it was sweet and all, but it’s not what Armin craved.

 

It might have been once upon a time. If he’d gone out with Eren before Jean was in the picture, then everything would be perfect. But Jean messed up his views on life. He tore apart any vision of the future where Armin could be treated well, with every insult and kick the Armin that hated fighting was driven away. Three years in that relationship would have messed anyone up, but Armin’s insecurities made it a lot easier. Armin didn’t even care to think up excuses for Jean’s behavior anymore. He didn’t mind the way Jean treated him.

 

Armin hated to admit this to himself, and he had almost cried in a corner when he _had_ come to terms with it, but he missed the way Jean had treated him. Not Jean himself, he didn’t even love Jean, but the abuse was a constant in their life and it had wreaked Armin so thoroughly that he found himself craving it.

 

He found himself trying to push Eren past his limits. Each time Eren looked like he might snap at Armin though, the brunette refrained himself, heading outside or stalking into the other room instead. Armin hated himself for it, but he was trying to shape Eren into something more like Jean was… and he knew that wasn’t healthy. He loved Eren, and the only possible way for Eren to come out of this… whatever they have… unscathed would be for Armin to leave him.

 

Armin didn’t want to change Eren the way that Jean had changed him.

 

So Armin packed his bags and left a note on the fridge, explaining to Eren about how messed up he was, and that what he was doing to Eren was just as bad as what Jean had done to him. Eren was probably still at work now, and by the time he got home Armin would already be back in Jean’s life.

 

A part of him regretted it, a large part actually. But… the other part was relieved. Relieved that he wouldn’t be able to change Eren the way that Jean had changed Armin. Relieved that he could get that constant misery back, because he didn’t  deserve the affection and adoration that Eren gave him. Armin was broken, and there was no fixing him, no matter what Eren might have believed.

 

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

His knuckles ached slightly from knocking so hard, but he found that it didn’t really bother him. None of it bothered him. Because he was back in this hell-hole living with an abusive asshole, and he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He honestly didn’t care for Jean at all. He had a long time ago, when Jean had been all smiles and charms, but now all he cared about was the thing that had taken control of his mind.

 

_“I miss the hatred, and the arguments, and the fights. And it can’t be anyone else that can do it, it has to be Jean.”_

Armin hated the face that greeted him at the door and the cheeky smile that came with it. But most of all he hated himself for craving it.

 

“I knew you’d be back.”


End file.
